Unplug me!

Neo can fly. Neo can stop hundreds of bullets in flight. In the first movie, Neo could literally jump into an agent and blow him up from the inside out. Neo can do all sorts of other spoilerific things. So why the hell does he insist on fighting everyone hand-to-hand?

Clearly, I saw Matrix Reloaded the other day. Things I did not like: “bullet time.” Ok, quit it already. It wasn’t that revolutionary in 1999, it’s clearly not revolutionary now. Either stop over doing it, or just play the whole damned movie in slow motion; Electric Circus Zion City; we get it, they’re in love. You don’t need to show us a cheesy gratuitous music-video-like love scene to prove it; Neo, just keep your mouth shut; Morpheus, stop being monotone and boring and cheesy; Mr. Directors, quit with the forced preachiness. It’s really obvious. You might as well flash the words “THIS SCENE IS DEEP” on the screen when Morpheus starts rambling; the near-end of the movie was severely disjointed, and I’m not about to waste money on the (likely to be shitty) game to figure out what the hell happened; unnecessarily long special effects scenes (wow, the ship is landing… again. Exciting!); unnecessarily long action sequences, which really lessens their impact; that whole Matrix-code effect is way too over-used; and, finally, Keanu: shut up.

The good: the action scenes were stunning. Needlessly long at times but still impressive, especially the freeway sequence; the CGI work was amazing. The early hype was of a “shit-your-pants” type of realism. It was all hype. The CGI was obvious if you looked for it, but it was skillfully mixed in with live action. The fault there is with the marketing hype-machine, not the actual implementation; and, um, they used a Juno Reactor track during the movie.

Basically, the action is gorgeous and nearly worth the price of admission alone. Unfortunately, everything else flatlines. If it was solely an action flick, I’d say that it might have been decent. Reloaded tried (poorly) to be deep and epic; it fell flat on its face. That failure is what detracted from what could have been an otherwise enjoyable film. It, quite simply, takes itself way too seriously.

I give it two cheese-balls out of a possible five. (*Edit: Nice Slate “Review.”)

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