The hyperbolic machine

I’m sick of the hype. I’m sick of the PSP is the greatest thing to happen EVER since THE WHEEL hyperbole. I’m tired of and all the people eating their useless morsels as though they were meals (OMFG, IT’S A POWER BUTTON!!) I’m annoyed by all the losers posting their chump next generation mock-ups and poorly kerned and thought-out logos. I’m nauseous of the “artist rendition”s and prerenders of what next generation graphics might but won’t look like. Here’s a hint, increasing poly counts won’t make your shitty games any better.

It’s as though the game industry is the one developing the Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber.

Five or six years ago, Sony went on record to say that their upcoming Playstation 2 will be capable of Toy Story-like graphics in real time. We haven’t been close to achieving that. Even the next generation will be hard-pressed reach that level of graphical fidelity. The more important realization, however, is that even if real-time rendering reaches that watermark, the game industry will still be a long, long ways off from reaching the standards of Toy Story’s creativity, originality, cleverness, writing, acting and maturity (all this from a G-rated film).

Instead, for the oft-acclaimed pinnacle of the system we have a game about a sadistic, womanizing Spartan with a threesome mini-game. Coooolnessss!

I have yet to play the game, but I would bet a small fortune on the fact that God of War never alludes, even in the slightest, to the fact that Spartan society was strongly and openly homosexual and the city state was, for the time, very progressive on women’s rights. Such facts would, no doubt, offend the sensibilities of its designer and his legions of devotees (hey, I’m generalizing!). Granted, that’s probably way too much to expect from a game like this (which is a sad state of affairs on its own), but it highlights just how much the ESRB’s “Mature” rating is an oxymoron.

So fuck the hype on the next generation of hardware, I want the next generation of interactive originality and maturity.

/me goes off to play Psychonauts.

Modal image