The Life and Death of a Console

I was looking forward to the next few weeks of gaming. Along with Catan, there was continuing rocking, a fairly extensive update to Crackdown that I was waiting for and the Halo 3 beta, for which I have two invites. Then came the XBox Spring Update. I should have known that something wasn’t entirely right when, several minutes after installing the auto-update, the XBox 360 froze inside the new marketplace blade in the dashboard. But I brushed it aside, downloaded the demo for Double Dragon, dicked around with that for a while (it hasn’t aged well!) and went to sleep.

It wasn’t until it froze during Guitar Hero II today that I started to get concerned. I rebooted. Started a song again and… froze. I rebooted again but instead of that familiar XBox bumper I was greeted with darkness and three flashing red lights. FUCK. The spring update killed my XBox. I am now one of the three percent (3% my ass).

XBox red ring of doom

I’ve heard all the (many, many) XBox 360 horror stories but dismissed most of them. “That couldn’t happen to me,” I’d say “I’ve been fortunate with my consoles.” My Playstation 2 (the previous holder of the ‘buggiest piece of shit console’ crown) never gave me problems; neither did the original Playstation; my SNES, now sixteen years old, still works; as do my, older still, NESes and TG-16. Yet, here is a console barely eleven months old — and that’s the fortunate part of the story, it’s still under warranty — dying on me.

It seems as though within a month, all that good fortune that I had accumulated was turning on me. In that time, I’ve had my home PC’s motherboard blow, my work PC’s motherboard blow (before this, I’ve never lost a computer!), my radiator started leaking, broke two pairs of headphones, locked-up my mp3 player a couple of times and lost or broke four of my jacket’s buttons. It seems as though anything that I touch breaks. This makes me think twice about masturbation.

oh Batman, you perv

My little soundtrack for broken computers was more apt than I thought. sigh again. With my dampened spirits I splurged online buying a hundred bucks worth of t-shirts, including some happy Katamari shirts. It’s a small consolation, but at least the t-shirts won’t stop working.

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