Modern Sins

modern sins

That wooshing noise you hear coming from the Vatican is the sound of the Church grasping for straws, hoping to stay relevant in an increasingly irrelevant age. Trying to stay modern, and not with the mores of the eighteenth century, the Church has come up with a contemporary set of seven deadly sins. Amongst the set are “Environmental pollution”, “Genetic manipulation”, the vague “Morally debatable experiments” and the wordy “Violation of fundamental rights of human nature”. I don’t know about these. They don’t have the marketing appeal that the old ones had. They’re not snappy. They don’t flow. The branding message is confused.

Say what you want about the ridiculousness of Scientology, but at least they know how the brand themselves in the modern age. Whereas Christianity is full of boring stories about a guy going fishing and escaping a cave, Scientology has sexy blockbuster-material involving alien invasions, nuclear weapons and the super colossal motion picture. It’s like the difference between Into Great Silence (which I sat through, all three hours of it, in a painfully uncomfortable theatre) and Independence Day.

If the Vatican wants to stay modern it needs to do more to improve its image. The brand needs a total overhaul. That old logo isn’t cutting it anymore, it needs to be shinier and more extreme. Jesus needs a talking animal sidekick. It needs to diversify and find new angles and promotions.

Church Sign

But most of all, the Church needs to be more expedient with these brand changes. If they’re going to change the rules this late in the game (a thousand years too late) then they’re going to have a hard time winning over new souls. And they sure as hell aren’t getting mine. It’s already accounted for. I work in advertising.

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