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Perfect Dark Unsexiness
So what happens when testosterone-driven FPS game makers working for Microsoft want to improve the demographic "appeal" of their title? They make an unrealistic "sexy" female lead character and have her pose in FHM. That should appease the early teens who buy our awesome rehashes!
Now, if their nerd version of sexy wasn't quite enough, they try to spruce up her image by making a sexy song. via "teh pile":
Since it is a video game, they have to try to make her "sexy." However, this song (presumably the game's end credits theme) is the wrong way to go about such a thing, and serves as a perfect example of why people who make video games shouldn't ever try to be sexy.
(Sample lyrics: "Slide me to the floor / I'm waiting on my knees / Crown your pearls on me / Can't you see I need you here / Sliding deep inside me")
As if they didn't whore out their IP enough already. This "song" is so painfully and offensively bad that XBox 360s are going to implode when this comes on. It's just downright offensive. There's no other word for it. Hear the proof with your own ears: Offensive Perfect Dark Song. Also on YSI.
And that is the output of a male geek dominated industry. No wonder Nintendo didn't care much for Rare. This holiday, give me Animal Crossing over this garbage.
This is a soundtrack that has been identified as such:
"The Perfect Dark Zero soundtrack is one of the tightest, most exciting, kick ass high tech/emo/groove/dance soundtracks ever to drop," said Rogers. "It's gonna rock your world! This is the beginning of the future of game soundtracks. Perfect Dark Zero brings it."
This song might very well answer the question as to why Rare takes so long to release games: all their developers and creatives seem to spend most of the development time fawning over internet porn. That's the only answer that can explain their delays and the contents of this song. No wonder it's been nominated for a Spike Video Game Award. Yeesh.
If this is the future of game soundtracks, count me out.
November 15, 2005. Gaming.Related:
Civ IV - the end of a campaign < Previous Entry. Most Recent Entries. Next Entry > The Right Brothers.Comments (7)
Uggh. I feel dirty after reading those lyrics.
When they are great game soundtracks (like the Metroid Prime ST), it's sad that we have to put up with crap like this.
November 16, 2005 01:35 PM. Posted by: Tony.offensive? this sounds like every other teen idol song on the radio. I'm sad to see that you are so easily offended by mere words, or the suggestion of ideas that contain sexually explicit material. Frankly, I woudn't want tot live in the PG rated world that you evidently appear to aspire to. Life is good, sluts and all.
January 19, 2006 11:04 PM. Posted by: Neurothustra.I don't know about you, but I personally do not listen to every other teen idol song on the radio. Or are you saying that Perfect Dark is the teen idol radio song of video games, with marginal appeal to the testosterone driven social misfit teens that get off by thinking they're somehow more mature than they are?
I'm not easily offended by sex. I like sex. I am offended by this low-class, tawdry bullshit that brings this medium that I so love down to the trenches. Is it too much to expect more? Or is that too much to ask for from an industry dominated by sexually awkward male nerds that think "Debbie Does Dallas" is the pinnacle of "sexy"?
Frankly, I wouldn't want to live in the Budweiser and masturbation world you aspire to live in.
January 19, 2006 11:19 PM. Posted by: nowak.Wow. Social misfit teens? I don't think any teens today have seen Debbie Does Dallas, considering it's nearly 30 years old now).
You're pretty hostile for someone decrying the virtues of testerone. And you're making some fairly sweeping (and completely inaccurate) characterizations about me because I endorse frivolity and debauchery. Although I do think porn can be sexy, so can jeans and a tee-shirt. And in regards to pop music, my girlfriend likes it so I get to hear it, and since I'm not one of those melodramatic types who has to fly off the handle whenever I'm confronted with mainstream culture, I'm familiar with it. Also, I prefer Mondavi Merlot if I'm going to drink, and yes I love to masturbate. I suggest perhaps you endevor to do the same, it's a pretty good stress release.
February 13, 2006 02:54 PM. Posted by: Neurothustra.Apologies for the double post.
I wanted to add this because it occurred to me just now that the average age of a gamer (to whom you seem to harbor a borderline animosity towards, having used derogatory terms thus far to describe them) is 30; You're under the misconception that it's all teen-agers and introverts with emotional/sexual problems (we aren't projecting, are we?). This simply isn't true. I'll spare the myriad reasons why, but a moment of rational thought will provide some enlightenment.
And if you think the band who recorded the song in question is shallow and unlistenable, the Lords of Acid have been making this kind of music for far longer and they are quite popular in the club scene (a place, I'd like to point out, where social people gather to dance, drink - even Budwiser - and make merriment).
February 13, 2006 03:09 PM. Posted by: Neurothustra.if u think the song is offensive.. u should see the video. haha
xo
jean - the singer of the very offensive song :)
for more offensive stuff, visit: www.morissonpoe.org
Holy shit. I can't really imagine lyrics any more repulsive or contrived. No wonder it's rated Mature by the ESRB.
November 16, 2005 08:21 AM. Posted by: Tony Walsh.